WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND DECIDED THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA NOT TO CLOSE THE STORE ON NEW YEAR’S DAY WHEN WE WERE ALL PREVIOUSLY TOLD IT WOULD BE CLOSED? HUH?

A SOULLESS FUCKING SADIST, THAT’S WHO.

FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK.

I’M SO PISSED I’M THINKING IN ALL CAPS RIGHT NOW.

THINKING ABOUT SLAUGHTERING PEOPLE.

AND CLEANING UP THE BLOOD WITH HATS.

AND HIDING ALL THE BODY PARTS IN HAT BOXES.

.

.

.

But seriously, if I get called in, you can bet I’m not going to give a single fuck about selling a goddamn thing.

Y’all can suck my balls.

Guy: Did I just see you at Safeway?
Me: Nope, chilling at home. Must be my doppelganger.
Guy: Hah, mustve been a clone
Me: Damn, I’m very protective of my DNA
Guy: I can imagine. You still have blondeish hair?
Me: Hah, no. I’m back to brunette.
Guy: Oh. Well your clone was blonde but all natural is a good look.
Me: Yep. Aaalll natural. Y’know, except for the robot arm.
Guy: With kung fu grip?
Me: And rocket launcher. Can’t forget the rocket launcher.

*half an hour passes*

Guy: So… why did you never hit me back up after we chilled that time I am just curious?

>____________<

How did I know this was going there?

Really? Really though?

(This is an excellent example of the kind of shit I put in my queue and forget about but that probably shouldn’t be posted at all.)

But suddenly I’m seeing all this hubbub on tumblr, so I’m all, okay what’s the deal?

TO THE INTERNET! (Oh wait, i’m already on the internetWHATEVS)

Read read read… MTV is stupid… read read read…

Best kiss goes to Twilame…

Best fight goes to Twilame…

Best male performance goes to Robert Pattinson as a sparkly fairy…

Best female performance goes to Kristen Stewart as the most blatant Mary Sue to grace the silver screen…

And given the previous information, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that

TWILIGHT WON BEST MOVIE?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHAT COMPLETE AND UTTER RETARDS THOUGHT TWILIGHT WAS BETTER THAN INCEPTION?

And as a bonus, James Franco cutting off his own arm and an entire city street folding over itself in Inception lost to Justin fucking Bieber for Best Jaw-Dropping Moment.

I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t realize MTV was run by 12 year old girls.

Sat through the entirety of both films. Ghost Dad with Lobos, Phat Girlz with Greg. Two separate events. Both in one day.

NYC is a shitshow.

In the best of ways.

Today I got a package, and instead of instantly tossing the packing peanuts aside and pouncing on my new stuff, I decided to spend like 15 minutes doing this.

The horror.

The box is right next to me, and I still haven’t even looked in it.

Yeah, that’s my I-haven’t-done-shit-all-goddamn-day face.

I swear. There are no train tracks near where I live. I live in a pretty residential part of San Francisco. There is no valid reason why I should be hearing a train horn right now.

That’s downright spooky, that is.